What is it about relationships? When we are single, we long for companionship. When we are in a relationship, problems abound and it seems to be more work than the satisfaction justifies, yet we are loath to break bonds.
Happy is the man or woman who finds delight in their own comfort. Happier still in the man or woman who finds love without possession.
Henry, Julie’s husband, cannot endure solitude. Dinner parties, travel, correspondence … anything for constant interaction. This leads him to an adulterous life so complicated it is only through constant and willful ignorance that our narrator does not discover his misdeeds.
Then Henry drops dead, survived by Julie and her six-year-old daughter. Six months later, Henry’s indiscretions are revealed. Julie spends the next year discovering the complexities of Henry’s numerous indescretions and sorting through her own troubled life. Julie goes through several stages: suspicion and denial (during her marriage), grief (at Henry’s death), anger and confusion (six months after Henry’s death), and finally forgiveness and acceptance.
Her emotional journey is a difficult one: from Henry’s former lovers, to psychologists, to scientists. I was surprised when Julie turned to new age thinking and finally modern science in her attempt to understand Henry’s actions, bringing in the whole nature versus nurture debate. Her need for understanding and the lengths to which she was driven was pitiable.
Mostly, I was shocked that Julie remained with her husband, even ignorant (as she was) to his affairs. Perhaps I am a selfish beast, but to remain in so unfulfilling a relationship seems ludicrous. If Henry hadn’t past away so young, how long would Julie have remained married, half-alive? It seems there is much I do not understand about the dynamics of American relationships (which explains my preference for non-Americans!) which seem dominated by need, possession, separateness and jealousy.
I have discussed the book with my partner (a Puerto Rican) and it resulted in lengthy conversations that gave me great hope. He and I are of a similar mind and more open to talking about sexuality and human nature than Julie and Henry were. Candid communication seems the keystone to a happy partnership. A good read, if a bit rambling at times.
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